I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
