Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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