Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
