I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I touched a dick in church today
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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