Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
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