i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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