she was so not down for the gang bang
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
No more Irish car bombs ever.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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