Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
