This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
