We're like a lot better than the average bears
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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