Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
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