My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
