I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
