somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
