This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Randomize
