he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
