Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
