I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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