i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
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