I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
