I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
