I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
