maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
