I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
