im drinking this country out of the recession.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
