I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
