Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I have fence marks all over my body
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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