i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
