we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
