Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
