I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
