I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I just found puke in my bra..
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Randomize
