Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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