Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
