I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
