is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
