remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Randomize