Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
