forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
