i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize