she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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