She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
