Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
