I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
