We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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