sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
