You're a womanizer and a bitch.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
