I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
