I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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