Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Randomize
