I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize