Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
