i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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