More tranny stories later!
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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