I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
