so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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