apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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