Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
