Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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