Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
