Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Randomize
