this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
