I wanna bring you to show and tell
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
