at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
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