I just pynch a tree in the face
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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