So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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