Quick, to the slutcave!
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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