on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
