In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
All I want is dick and wine.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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