my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I want to be your penis for a week.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
