I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize