i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
