the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
