So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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