i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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