Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
