why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
