my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
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