Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
This is the prime rib incident all over again
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Randomize
