hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Randomize
